9 november

my kids had the day off from school today.  we took a little field trip with some dear friends, and along the way, a young friend - one who has known me her entire (ten years of) life - asked me, "what's your job?"

i kind of dread that question.  i have for a long time.  i never liked saying, "i'm a stay-at-home-mom."  i've never felt like a "stay-at-home-mom" - somehow that label never felt descriptive of what i do.  in fact, i've never felt like there was a label to describe what i am doing - actively raising children, making a home, creating a life.

but now there is this other bit.  the painting.  and if it was hard for me to say, "i'm a stay-at-home-mom," it's triply hard for me to say, "i'm an artist."  (i know.  we've been over this before.  unfortunately, i can't find alicia's post on the subject right now.)  i'm not sure what it would take for me to feel really comfortable saying, "i'm an artist" - maybe it's something that will just happen one day.  or maybe not.

in any case, this afternoon i responded, "i'm a painter."  (which is somehow easier for me to say.  why is this so complicated?)  and then my young friend asked, "do you get paid for that?"  how does she know, at ten, that getting paid for it makes it so.  and then i wonder, does getting paid for it make it so?  what does?

late this afternoon, i came home to find this post in my google reader.

my brother, who is a poet, once told me that some say you're only a poet during the time that you're actually writing a poem.  i wonder, is that true of a painter, too?  or is it possible that "artist" is what we are inside, all of us, searching for a way to express ourselves?  i wonder.

Comments

[Sam]

I think it's fascinating how complicated this seems to be for all of us. I heard from several people today who I have always assumed were comfortable as artists that they struggle with this as well. I think the turning point for me was in hearing my own voice telling my children that they are artists. They've simply not lost the ability to see themselves that way and I'm choosing to open my eyes to it again.

Love the new piece too!

[linda]

Thanks for sharing the link...definitely interesting thoughts. I've always struggled with the word artists...so scary and BIG! When it comes to selling items, people assume that if you are professional artist...I think in the end you can call yourself whatever you want. It's just a label in our language of today.

[Emily]

Wow! This post nailed it on the head! We live in a world where we are defined by what we do, and for most people that's it. But for me, a stay home mom, creative/crafty person, p/t preschool teacher, and artist (that's the hard one) it's really hard to pick just one thing. And for any one of these "jobs", most people have preconceived notions about what these are. Here, an artist is a hip, edgy, person who lives downtown with all the other hip, edgy people. Not a stay home mom and preschool teacher! Thanks for this post!

[stefani]

Oh my yes! It is SO very hard to claim a title for one's self. I once had to write a bio to be included at the end of a magazine article that I had written. It felt ridiculous to call myself a writer, or photographer even though it was MY writing and MY photos that were printed on the page. But "scribbler, doodler and dabbler" which sounded so much more like what I do, seemed a bit small for something so grand sounding as a "bio" ! It took me far, FAR longer to write that 60 word bio than it did to write the 1200 word article!

If it makes any difference, from where I stand dear, you are every bit an artist. If I were to describe you to anyone at all it would start with "Wonderfully insightful, soulful artist...."

[Karen at sew and sow life]

Oh, I've been living in the midst of this struggle for 53 years...you have captured it so well, here, Emily. Thanks!

PS I linked to this post over at my spot today.

[Jessica]

I'm new at trying this whole artist thing on (so new that I don't even have a blog yet, sheesh), but I wanted to let you know that this little wondering post spoke volumes to me.

Thank you.

[erin]

this is a lovely post, em.

[Hannah]

So, its interesting you bring up the whole making money thing. I recently came across this performance and it really struck me how much importance we place on one's profession and the paycheck it brings with us. I say you make art that brings beauty to this world, and that is more than enough.

However, I would say that having art in a gallery and getting to play in an art market - those are things that DEFINITELY qualify you as an artist. Since you still seem to be on the fence about that :)

[Hannah]

Here is the link for that performance (doh!): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpog1_NFd2Q

[joanna w]

my 5 year old daughter asked me if she was an artist. I told her YES you are. If you are creatively expressing what is inside you in a way that makes you happy. Don't worry what other people think of your art; it doesn't have to be an exact replica of something 'real'. All these things stifled me as a creative child and I have been trying to break away from it for years!!! I agree it is hard to call yourself an artist, I still don't, but I think for someone so young all I could do was encourage her. Thanks for your post emily

[Marcy at Sunflower Design]

I am just accepting that I can call myself an artist this fall. Why now when I have been creating all my life? It just felt right. My main focus this fall is to spend time every day creating... something, anything. And it is this committment to myself that makes it alright for me to say... I'm an artist.