junk.

[i feel that i ought to warn you, at the outset, that this is a long winded post devoted to my dislike for little plastic toys. i'm not referring to legos and playmobil and the like; we've got plenty of those and we love them. and i'm not condemning plastic altogether. today's post is specific to a certain kind of plastic toy that i just don't care for. and, as always - and i truly, truly mean this - these are my feelings about what works for our family; i fully respect and appreciate everyone's choices about what works for them. really.]

my children have recently come into some, um, junk. junk. those little colored plastic whosamajigits that you get when you go to the dentist and they let you pick a prize (or three) when you're done. a whole bunch of those. and some squishy foam cubes, a blue bear-guy, a shiny stuffed orca whale, and a blow up airplane.

it's carnival time around here. next week we'll be celebrating the jewish holiday of purim, when we'll read the book of esther and rejoice at the bravery of queen esther and how she saved the jewish people from death at the hands of the persian king. it's a very festive holiday, with all sorts of dressing-up-in-costume and merriment and the like. and there are carnivals for kids. the kind in the synagogue basement where you pay five dollars and your kids can play unlimited games and win lots of junk prizes.

that, and we went to the dentist.

so we've come into a goodly amount of colored plastic whosamajigits in the last few days. which has caused me to reflect on how it is that i handle this junk - how i used to handle it (not at all, allowing it to take over and proliferate into every far-flung corner of our home), and how i handle it today.

i'm not very nice, on the great mama scale, about the junk. i don't like it. i don't like how it's made who-knows-where out of who-knows-what. i don't like how it creates all sorts of conflict and desperate last-minute-before-bed searches for its little plastic-ness. or worse, last-minute-before-school hysteria. i don't like how its little pieces wind up, invariably, under my bare feet while i'm walking to the kitchen for a late night glass of water. i don't like how it breaks in ten minutes and causes otherwise perfectly reasonable and angellic little beings to break into uncontrollable sobs.

i used to "disappear" the junk, along with a variety of other items like scribbled-on papers and tattered baby books that my children could not bear to part with. i would send d. and the kids to the playground on a sunday afternoon, and hunt through the house for all of the offending items and dispose of them (double-bagged and placed in the outdoor cans to avoid any chance of discovery) before the kids returned.

and though most of the time nobody noticed anything missing, all of that "disappear-ing" did lead, invariably, to some questioning. "have you seen my bright-pink-whosa-ma-jiggy? i'm sure it was on the dining room table." or "where is that paper-mache volcano i made in pre-school when i was four?" and that questioning ultimately led to me saying all sorts of things like, "hmmm. haven't seen that for a while. wonder what happened to it!"

but one day, a few years back, i got tired of the game. tired of the chase, the secrets. tired of the lying and the hysteria. i got clear about my problems with the junk. and i decided to trust myself and my kids.

so i sat them down and explained it to them: these toys are junk. they don't last. they're going to break. they take up space in our house. they take up space in our heads. we have so many wonderful, creative, lasting things to play with and enjoy. and i want to limit how much of this we keep in our home.

and do you know what? they got it. they absolutely got it.

we purged the junk. together. and they were happier, lighter. it was better, for all of us, being able to find and focus on toys with real potential for play. not having the constant hunting for the green alien with the parachute and hysteria about the orange plastic bookmark with the googly eyes. less mess. less stuff. so much better.

of course, they still love their junk. (and, i'm happy to say, we've devised a marvelous system for managing the junk that we do keep.) last year, at the purim carnival, when l. opened her bag of prizes at the end of the afternoon, her eyes got wide and she looked up at me with delight, and said, "it's junk!!!" but we sorted the junk on that march day last year, and each child kept their few favorite bits. the rest went out that afternoon. we kept just enough to enjoy, keep track of, and appreciate. and that was that.

this past sunday, when i told the kids we were going to the purim carnival (the first of several), b. said, "we'd better plan some time this afternoon to sort the junk." (can you se me, there, beaming with pride and joy at my boy?)

we haven't sorted yet. and we've been to the dentist, in the meantime. so we've got some work to do. but for now, the kids are enjoying their little plastic bits and bobs. and i haven't stepped on anything. yet.

Comments

[Mama Urchin]

I totally understand about the junk. We have the same problem with stuffed animals. They multiply and we have a ton! Need to go through them...

[Rachel]

I think it is so cool that you were just honest with them...and that they understood. A lot of times we keep these dumb toys as car toys. They stay in the seat pockets, the girls can play with them in the car, and then they get thrown out when the car is cleaned out.

[raina]

I so laughed when I read this. I used to do that with grown up 'junk'. Stuff that you collect that you never use and it goes in the basement and then I would sneak it into the garbage...I just throw stuff out now openly. Have you seen that show "How Clean is Your House?" Those people scare me...I don't want to be one of the hoarders of junk.

[Jess]

Great story! I don't have any kids yet (though I understand the clutter problem, I've got one of my own) but I will have to keep this in mind for my kids! Otherwise I'm going to end up on Clean Sweep or some reality show like that where they have to un-bury me from my house!

[Annie]

I am definitely one of those moms that "disappears" things. My son is only 2 though, and so far he hasn't missed a thing. I will definitely have to keep this post in mind.

[Ali]

I've been caught a few times with the whole 'vanishing' scenario, so now I tell them to find 5 things they can throw away/give to charity each time something new comes into the house.

It's a constant battle against the tat though.

[melissa]

My 4.5 year old definitely misses things when they "disappear," and he's started asking if he can go into the attic to look for his toys. Doesn't discriminate between quality or expensive toys and dime-store crap that breaks if you look at it wrong. Good for you, Mama. I need to have this talk at my house, too.

[capello]

are you available for hire? because i have a husband with a hoarding issue and a six year old who inherited it.

please?

pretty please?

[krysta]

we have the same problem with junk and stepping on it is the worst part. but how can i hate it when you took such lovely pictures?

[erin]

i really think that if you are straight with your kids, they really rise to the occasion!

[martha]

great idea, although I take secret pleasure in throwing it out (except for the landfill guilt).
We actually try to aquire as little as possible in the first place...makes it easier all around.
I have to say your junk photos are really lovely though...

[Tracy]

I've got my own brand of junk, and I have a hard time purging it. Your kids could probably teach me a lesson.

[Michelle]

I think your son must be so much more easy going than my little guy. I've done the "sneaky thief" thing for so long (bags of that stuff going to charity which I also feel guilty about:) with all that junk and the sad thing is, it never occurred to me to just sit him down and say, "here's the deal." Good for you!

And I've decided that I'd rather be Jewish than Quaker because I think you have way more fun than us!

Michelle

[TD wool design]

very funny and you have great kids! hmmm, wonder why Mom?

[Anne]

We have the same problem at our house. I've been tossing the stuff, but as they get older, it's getting harder because they remember the toy. These toys make me nervous since they seem to lack safety; and many are recalled for lead. I think your idea is a good one; make it a family choice and let your kids participate.

By the way, I love your blog (first time visitor).

[tifanie]

hahaha. i love this entry. i just read through the comments and commiserate and empathize with everyone. yes, i hate those little plastic toys too. yes, I've made things disappear. yes, my kids have noticed. yes, i've had the junk talk with them. no, they did not get it and still wish to hoard things, regardless (they have a different idea in their heads as to what is and what isn't junk). Your photos do make the junk look like art. They do. The photos in "Apples for Jam" (nice cookbook) of the plastic bits also make it look like art, so when I see photos like that I find that I can suddenly appreciate the "junk" as a sort of disposable, mass produced art. Sort of. But it does feel so good to purge and have less in general floating around the house. Feng Shui and all. And I do so much appreciate things that have lasting value.

[ani]

too many thoughts to put in comments but yes! yes! yes!

we are always fighting the junk and commericial/consumerism battle over here too. sometimes we win, sometimes we lose but at least we are fighting.

[Adria Devereaux]

Oooh, yes! The junk. We have just received an Easter basket filled with plastic pastel eggs, some kind of magnetic dartboard and it's little plastic darts, a pair of already broken bunny ears and a bubble wand composed of small plastic parts and labeled heavily "Not For Use By Small Children". All for my 18 month old. The dollar store is just a menace.

[kendra Spencer]

I'm a junk hater too. In fact one of my favorite things to do is go around the house when the kids are gone with a bag and collect all the stupid little dumb plastic toys that we've accumulated over the months and toss it all. It's such a refreshing thing to do.

[Grace]

I just couldn't agree with you more on the junk. Except, I have a problem with throwing it in the trash, because that just makes it the landfill's and the earth's problem. So. The key is to avoid it in the first place. AT ALL COST. Even when children cry because they can't have some junky thing. Sigh.

[ONE LOVE PHOTO]

I love this post! I don't have kids yet but when I do I REALLY fear the junk. I have a friend trying to control it all. She told all her family and friends no plastic toys please and you know....people listen! Her home is not as junky as my other friends. I think it is because she spoke her mind and backs it up.

[Visty]

I've been conditioning my kids to understand junk from a very early age, because it wheedles at my soul until I want to run screaming through the night in my underwear with a blow torch. At ages 8 and 10, they are finally getting it. They see that the "prize" they win from the teacher will break within 24 hours. And they know that most of this junk gets recalled later for being made entirely of lead. So it's easier to reject some of it before it gets in the house, but they do hang on to a few loved items, and I allow it now that they're more flexible. But years ago I was doing the disappearing act also, until they caught on.

[Allison]

Oh man, I just threw away a whole batch of my daughter's Purim carnival junk when she wasn't looking. Someday she'll catch on, I think, and I'll have that talk with her too - but for now I'm still sneaking it past her. She forgets about most of it (except the Mardi Gras necklaces!) in two minutes anyway.