possibilities

i have a private little new year's eve tradition.  i've been doing it since i was thirteen.  each year, on the last day of december, i write a letter to myself reflecting on the year gone by and my hopes for the coming year.  then i put the letter away, with all of the letters that came before, until the following new year's eve, when i sit down and read this pile of letters i've been writing to myself since i was a child.  blow myself over every time.

i had somehow strayed from the letter writing these past couple of years.  i don't know how i let that happen.  but instead we've been making a family list, each december 31, of everything we can remember from the past twelve months.  i love those lists, making them and re-reading them as the years pass by.  but when i was finished reading all of my new year's eve letters last night, i was so moved by the power of my own words, my own memories long since forgotten, that i was inspired to return to my little tradition.

i was struck (and struck hard) by how meaningful it is to me to have those letters.  even the one where i say, "i'm sorry this is so short.  i'm in a hurry tonight.  i love you."  those little glimpses into my history are beyond measure.  remembering the details of my life that i have certainly forgotten - exactly what i was doing at the time that my husband proposed to me, how my father was feeling after his first year battling cancer, my favorite movie in 1986, that when i was sixteen i wanted "to be involved in preserving nature" when i grew up, and there's so much more that i won't bore you with here.  what a gift i wrote to myself each new year's eve.

and so i have been thinking about what i want to say to myself about 2007.  what are the moments of meaning from this year that has whizzed by?  the ones i want to never forget?

this has been a year of great change, as i suppose all good years ought to be as we grow older.  it has also been a year of growing, a year of learning to see the world differently.  a year of learning to honor that different way of seeing the world.  a year of coming to understand that when i don't listen to the still, small voice inside of myself, eventually the universe will intervene and knock me down until i listen.  a year of coming to know that when i do stop and listen and honor that still, small voice, my life is more rich, more full than i ever thought possible.

yes, there are lots of little things i want desperately to remember about this year-gone-by.  little memories i'll jot to myself in a letter and fold away in an old pink envelope in a desk drawer until next december.  but if i only remember one thing from 2007, it's that when i sit still, when i accept the place where i am instead of wishing to be somewhere else, life can't help but be good.

i have a feeling about 2008.  that it's going to be an unbelievable year.  maybe it's all those loops - in the zeros and in the eight - those empty circles, waiting to be filled up with the stories of our lives.  maybe it's knowing that i've made space for the empty spaces, for the stillness.  maybe it's that i'm learning that whatever i encounter on this journey, it's a gift.  all of it.  it's just a feeling.

joy to you, friends.  today, and everyday.

Comments

[Liz]

Thank you for your words. You are very inspiring.

[Alicia A.]

Lovely, Miss Emily, as always. I hope this year is magical for all of us.

Cheers!

[erin]

happy new year emily! i love your letter tradition. that is a wonderful treasure to have.

[Grace]

Wow, slightly speechless. Very beautiful. I know only a smidge about your journey this year, but I know enough to know that it's been big. Good, bad, beautiful, ugly, big. Thank you for all that you share. Happy 2008.

[Grace]

Oh, yeah, and I meant to say how much I love your great bokeh-licious photo above! Yummy!

Off to watch movies with my husband.

[kate]

wow - just wow. so beautiful.

[leslie]

oh......i just adore that tradition......and those letters not only are special to you, but to your children when they are grown.
lovely lovely post emily!
all the best to you for the New Year!

[leslie]

reflection is great. amazing. i love reading your reflective posts. a big happy new year to you. i hope this year is unbelievable for you. superb. over the top amazing.

[cloth.paper.string]

oh emily, such a beautiful post. your traditions, both that of writing to yourself and listmaking with your family truly inspire.

i once went on a yoga-creative writing-backpacking retreat in alaska and on the last night we wrote letters to ourselves that were mailed to us about a year later. this letter is so very precious to me - i can't imagine having a handful of these. thanks to you i'm going to sit and write to myself tonight.

wishing you a fantastic new year!

[kelly]

i'm blown away! what an amazing thing to do. i'm inspired beyond words : ) wishing you a truly wonderful new year...i just found your blog today + i'll definitely be back! x

[shari]

so inspiring. happy new year to you! xo

[Dawn]

What a great post! Happy New Year!

[ani]

you never fail to amaze me.

glad to have 'met' you this year. i hope the letter you write at the end of this year is full of joy, love and happiness.

[meg]

oh how wonderful. i participated in outward bound when i was doing my undergrad, and every member of the team was required to spend 48 hours on the beach alone with nothing but a bag of trail mix and water (on the preserved beaches of the florida everglades). we had to write ourselves a letter that would be sent a year later. i remember getting that letter and finding it so eye opening... the tradition encourages both evidence of the personal growth that occurred over the last year as well as a kind of accountability i wouldn't have had otherwise. i may have to start this tradition myself.

[Amy]

That picture. I can't get past it.
Best wishes for the New year.

[Tracy]

What a lovely, thoughtful post. This is close to me because I am trying to find that space to be still, and quiet. Thank you.

[Molly]

I just found this today - a little late, I know - and had to comment. What a graceful, stunning writer you are! And what an amazing gift you've given yourself with those letters. I would have never thought to do such a thing - especially not at age 13! Wow. Holy cow.

So inspiring. Thank you.