still thankful. oh so thankful.

there are moments when i wish that my blog posts could be extracted from my brain automatically.  times when i'm thinking and thinking about these words, but finding the time to sit and type them seems impossible. 

i've been thinking and thinking, these last few days, about so many things that i'm grateful for.  thinking in the shower.  thinking in the car.  thinking at the kitchen counter as i roll out my pie crust using my great-grandmother's rolling pin.  and really, that's the whole exercise, isn't it?  to be thinking about what i'm thankful for.

this morning, though, i started thinking about why i was resisting writing about what it is that i'm thankful for.  i mean, besides the two pecan pies, the sweet potato casserole, the corn scones, and the buttermilk biscuits.  besides the packing to go to philadelphia for thanksgiving.  besides the birthday present i've been making for my sister-in-law who turns 30 today (happy birthday to you!).  besides all of that, why have i been unable to make the time to type these words?

it could be that when i close my eyes, i am transported right back to the very last thanksgiving dinner we shared with my father before he died.  that thanksgiving was nine years ago, and his absence - everyday, and especially at this holiday - is gigantic, still.  it could be that last year, on the thursday before thanksgiving, my very dear aunt, the sister of my father, passed away.  last thanksgiving was spent in a foreign country, with my family there, in mourning.  there was no thanksgiving celebration for us last year.  maybe that's it.

maybe it's that i'm struck by how, as i get older, as my children get older, as the shape of my family shifts and changes, i become more and more aware of how precious it is.  all of it.  every single thing that i'm thankful for - the colors of the leaves on the trees in my neighborhood, the short-sleeve weather day in the middle of november, the cardinal who nests in the rhododendron bush outside my window, the sweet girl with long curly hair who dances to music in the living room while i cook, my comfortable home with ample space and warmth in cold weather and cooling in hot weather, the roses my mother brought to grace my table last week that are still gracing my table today, the loving boy who sets the dinner table with matching napkins even though he and i are the only ones who care about such things, the freedoms i enjoy because i live in this country, the desire to explore a variety of creative pursuits and the time in which to explore them, my three (yes, three!) living grandparents who will not be at my thanksgiving table but who will be very much in my heart and in my mind tomorrow as they are everyday, a healthy body that carries me through my days and years with just enough strength and flexibility, a husband who is kind and caring and appreciates that sometimes i need to be by myself and gently lets me be, a slew of paints and a gocco printer and a wide variety of other supplies for making art, a recipe box filled with treasures from family and friends and generations who came before, a mother who is a vibrant part of my family's daily life, this little shining egg space and the impact it has had on my life over the past nine months, my friends both near and far who know me today and some who have known me for years and love me still, and for that rolling pin that belonged to my great-grandmother and then to my aunt and now to me.  i'm thankful for all of that and so, so much more.

i'm struck by how it's all a great big gift.  on loan to me, really, during the time that i walk this earth.  i'm struck by how it's all so precious.  and fleeting.  and by how lucky i am to see, and feel, and be in each and every moment of my life.

   

my thankfulness is not limited to this day, or to this week.  i work hard to be mindful of my gratitude every day of the year.  but i do love that we are all, in this country, regardless of religion or politics or location or circumstance, mindful of our gratitude this week. 

maybe that's what i'm feeling.  overwhelmed.  by the enormous outpouring of gratitude all around me.  right now.  yes, i think that's it.  and i'm grateful for that, too.

happy thanksgiving to you and yours. 

Comments

[kristin]

your words flowed so beautifully tonight.
have a wonderful food and loved filled day.

[chickadee]

lovely post. and you have beautiful pictures here. love your blog.

[cloth.paper.string]

emily, dear emily. my eyes are welled up with saltiness. so many thanks to you for sharing each and every bit here.
wishing you and yours flaky crusts, good times remembering the past and sharing the present with family and so much more!

[leslie]

emily, thank you for this lovely post. i hung onto every word.
ahhh...life is so precious. i too want to hold onto every precious minute....
happy thanksgiving to you.

[Ali]

What a beautiful post.

[Wild Rose]

I just came over from Cloth.Paper.String. What a beautiful post...Happy Thanksgiving.

Marie x

[Alicia A.]

Emily, This post makes me sigh, it's so beautifully written.

Happy Thanksgiving to you. xo.

[Melissa!]

So beautifully put.

[ani]

hmmm, i think i must have something in my eye and it seems to go with the lump in my throat. sniffle!

sigh. thank you.

[Grace]

sweet and salty and everything in between. so well said.

(can you tell that i'm procrastinating by catching up on blogs that i haven't visited since all the dog and eardrum and thanksgiving and angst that only you and my husband know about happened?!!!)

[Molly]

What a beautiful, beautiful post! So lovely. Thank you for sharing it with us.

[Deirdre]

Just discovered your blog---a month after this post almost, but so needed to read this today, and wanted to say thanks.

Reminded me of the end of "Our Town"---when seeing just the beauty of life is almost too much to bare.

Looking forward to reading more here.